On the heels of buying my son a pair of dress shoes in the same size my husband wears, I needed some retail therapy myself and bought these cute as heck black silk shantung espadrilles. It was a beautiful sunny day today, and realistically, I could even wear these to work this week, if my toenails were in any way ready to see the light of day. But I think they were my little pick me up for today, and I will save their debut for a day when it is more truly spring...not just a somewhat perplexing seasonal confusion like this week feels.

Driving home from our shopping trip, I had some great music playing, the sun was bright in the sky, and Devin was next to me, but quiet, as he was engrossed in The Hunger Games. ("Mom, Dad, this book is SO good!!!" No, really? Didn't we TELL you you should read it a month or more ago? Ahhh, the satisfaction of finding something on your own...) I was thinking fondly of my new shoes, and also got to thinking of my fourth grade teacher...always interesting to think back on your own teachers, in particular when you are one yourself.

Mrs. Snover was not a teacher I disliked, or liked, really. When I think of her she is just kind of neutral, but I have two very distinct memories nonetheless. One involved a note written to her, by my friend Sally and myself, explaining to her that we really were not happy with our placement in a cooperative group with a boy in our class named Harold. And no, I am not making these names up...weird ones even for the 70's, eh? Harold, infamously, peed his pants in front of the class while giving a book report, and in our letter, we wrote a sentence that we found quite eloquent. "Quite frankly, we both feel he has BO." I remember giving her the letter and standing there while she read it. I was quizzically reading her body language and had no idea why, at one point, a ways into the letter, she seemed to, almost, laugh. She finished reading letter, then gently informed Sally and myself that she would not be changing the groups, but that the groups would not be forever, and weren't we at least happy to be seated together. Life went on. We survived Harold. We did get moved, eventually. Still, that possible laugh on her part, it haunted me.

The other memory, she wore high heels to work every day, but changed into well worn blue canvas espadrilles that she kept beneath her desk every day in the afternoon.

I think I understand Mrs. Snover now.

No day but today.

Days don't get much better than high 60's in Upstate NY in the middle of March. It was fortunate that some friends of ours stopped by unexpectedly because it at least got me outside. Gwynn had her friends here to (not) sleep over and I was up, buzzing on little girl energy myself, until about 2 am, which, with the time change, was actually 3. They were up at 7, left around 11. I cleaned up, got some laundry started, and watched a DVD with Gwynn. She drifted off on the couch, and I was close behind, but then, thankfully, Val and Roger and their dog, stopped by. I got outside. I got a zap of sun energy. I spent the rest of the day pretty productively. I will surely be OUT on the couch in an hour or so, but still...no day but today.

The DVD Gwynn and I enjoyed today was Idina Menzel "Barefoot at the Symphony," full of music from Broadway...Wicked, Rent, Chess...standards and "others"...truly an eclectic mix. It was just released, and Tim pre-ordered it for me from Amazon for my birthday. It arrived yesterday. It was really the sweetest gift, as this was a recording, done in Toronto, but from the symphony tour we saw in Buffalo in September. A way to re-visit one of our "epic adventures" that are so much a part of "us."

Today, watching it, I was welling up just as much, if not more, than the night we were at Kleinhann's Music Hall. Her voice, her acting ability, her lyrical interpretation, the songs themselves. It all just moved me, as music always does. And let's face it, on the eve of my baby boy turning 14, and on the wave of very little sleep, well, let's just say, emotion was close to the surface. The kids always laugh, a little uncomfortably, at me when I cry. They are not nasty or chiding in any way, but, obviously, they are wondering what is wrong. To them crying is for the sad times, for the bad times. If they only knew, yet, I am glad that they don't. They have the most beautiful lives. I am so blessed...and let's not candy coat it. It has been hard work these last 14 years, but I think Tim and I have created just what we always wanted. A family.

No day but TODAY!

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret-- or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way
No day but today

There's only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what is right
No other course
No other way
No day but today

I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only hope
is just to be

There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today

Jonathan Harris : Today

So I can't get over, tonight, the fact that today,leap day, is, essentially an extra day of LIFE. I know, I know, that in the linear nature of our existance, I will only have so many days,and that this one isn't an extra, but is merely a space along the way. But in the context of 2012, I get one extra day to live it. In my first year of my forties, I get 24 more hours. Hmmmm, might have been better last year, whilst I was holding on to the bitter end of my 30's, but you know, really, 40 so far has been just fine, so I will take the gift as it is presented to me today. The past is the past,the future uncertain, but today is the present, after all.

...took a little time today to write a little message for Tim's Grandma Colby. We are having a 90th birthday party for her tomorrow, and all the grandchildren got Pandora charms to represent their families to give to her. The write up explains our charm. Overall, there are 11 grandchildren...10 great grandchildren...let's just say she's gonna have to keep up her weight bearing exercises for this bracelet! Happy Birthday Grandma! We love you!


“The River”

We see you in many ways, Grandma, and enjoy you at many times and in many places, but the place we really see you is at the river. At camp. It is a place of chaos for sure, when we have gaggles of people and all their stuff there! But it is also a place of rest, of peace. A place to have fun, to fish, to play. It is a place we come to be together and to sit, for a small moment, in awe of all that a family can be. People often hear of our antics at camp, and of how many people will be descending upon a tiny group of islands to share a humble abode for a few days. They see the pictures. They marvel at who we are as a family, and at what our family does.

Are they confused? Probably.
Are they envious? For sure.
Should they be? Yes!

WE have a wonderful family, and a wonderful place we get to share. It is all because of Grandpa, and because of you. Thank you from the bottoms of our hearts, and when you look at your Happy Fish charm, think of us, and of camp, and of all that it means to us, to you, to us all.

Such peace...sitting here...finishing my morning coffee out of a mug. The kids are off at their grandparent's. The only noise is quiet banter of morning TV talk shows. The sun is streaming through my window, glinting off the snow, and the droplets of water coming off the bay window roof. It is soon time to get moving. It is time to get dressed. As much as break is meant for rest, it is also time to accomplish some stuff, while we have some time. But for now, I just take in the peace, and quiet, and stillness, of some time, at home, alone.

Feeling listy today...February break has just begun and it was SO needed. Today, Devin had a bowling tournament...varsity bowling team, yep, that's how we roll here...and so he was off in Rochester, Tim was working on the house, and Gwynn and I got to go to lunch and shop.

1. I feel so lucky to have a girl who likes to play with her mom. Lunch was fun. Shopping too. Then, tonight as I cooked dinner, she was alongside me, baking a dessert.

2. Got a new book today...French Lessons by Ellen Sussman. I was re-reading French Women Don't Get Fat yesterday...goodness knows why. Inspiration to do SOMETHING to take off the 5-8 pounds that have been hanging around since summer? Who knows. But again, it points to my French thing...going back to the travel poster on the back of my childhood bedroom.

3. Tonight, planning to watch some "Downtown Abbey" with Tim , streaming on Netflix. OK, Francophile obsessions paired with BBC drama? Maybe I am just on a European bent.

4. I never cook small anymore. You should SEE the tuna noodle casserole I have in the oven right now. It will be hard to pare down when we don't have kids at home anymore. Or will it? We got to reminiscing, over a great dinner this past week, about meals we used to cook when we were first together, without kids. We made this great egg bread. We made this yummy Bisquick Spinach casserole. We made a lot of Tuna Helper. Maybe what I made tonight is just the "I know how to make it homemade and healthy for my kids" phase of this, born of the necessity to feed a hungry almost 14 year old boy. It is also the economical phase of things I guess...quantity over quality? Perhaps the eventual evolution will be individual seered tuna steaks and a noodle side when it is just cookin' 4 two! Then again, we will be paying for college...

5. What is ahead for this week? Who knows, who cares. But I have a new book, some good food, wine and beer and yummy mixed drink options at the ready. We have some family stuff on the docket, some kid free time planned, a possible outing with friends, and show tickets for next Sunday. Les Miserables. ACK! LOOK! The FRENCH thing again!

Whatever it all ends up being, it is February Break. The break with NO holiday attached. The break just for breaks sake.
WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!