Beautiful Day

So I just got back from some grief shopping and realize that I now have a couple of shirts I will always associate with my grandfather's death. Just some shirts.

Things.

But things are weird that way aren't they? Inconsequential, not even connected at all, but things I harken to guess I will always connect, nonetheless.

Today was weird. Mom called around nine to let me know grandpa was gone. And it wasn't unexpected. He was 89, and had been ill. Still, it took a while to sink in. We had some other plans for the week to come, which had to be changed, and we needed some groceries as well, so I headed out. I was needing a little pick me up, so I figured I'd do some preshopping before the groceries. I got the afore mentioned shirts, at Maurice's of all places, and then headed to TJMaxx to further the buzz. That is where the grief hit, though.

I had forgone the cart, but had several items in my hand. It was just some clearance stuff that I wanted to try on. As I roamed the store somewhat aimlessly, I started to key in to the song playing over the loud speakers...U2..."Beautiful Day." Quite frankly, stores ought to think about what they are pumping into consumers ears..."What you don't have you don't need it now...don't need it now...don't need it now..." Needless to say, I put those items down, right where I was, and headed towards the front of the store. A rainy day had turned to some sketchy sun, and "It's a beautiful day...don't let it get away..." played me through the automatic doors.

I carried on to the grocery store, where it seemed EVERY little old man in Oswego was shopping, or being shopped around by his loved ones. I smiled my way through my glossy eyes, bought goodness knows what, and made my way home.

Things.

It is an odd summer...it has been an odd 6 months. While we are in the midst of celebrating some big highs right now, they have been juxtaposed by some signifigant lows. Still, 20 years ago, this summer, I married my partner in life. 16 years ago, we bought the home we live in now. That summer I did not have a dining room table. I had a particle board table, with screw on aluminum legs. They were a little bit stripped, having been my parents' early marriage kitchen table...or as the case may be, MY former kitchen table.

That summer, having moved to a smaller apartment attached to my aunt and uncle's home, my grandpa brought me my grandma's dining room table and chairs. They were something I needed then, desperately. I have toyed, over the last 15 or so years, whether to refinish and re-glue, or replace, and just earlier this summer had finally made the call. Mom and Dad had even said that if I would like it, they would like to give us the refinishing of that table as a gift for our 20th anniversary. Strangely enough, Grandpa's passing makes it even more appropriate. I will have the table and chairs refinished, and re-glued, to remember grandma by, and now him by, and in some way, my parents by.

So I guess U2 had it right.
What I don't have, I don't need now.
I need nothing new.
I have a beautiful dining room set that, when given a little tender loving care, will mark a number of moments in our FAMILY life.
The life that, no matter what is thrown at it, is so very full of everything we need.

Truly, every day IS a Beautiful Day.

Baby You're a Firework...

Another Fourth of July has come and gone, and another party goes down in the annals of history. Today was a hot July day, with no rain so far. We have been sleeping in, napping, snacking, and slowly cleaning up from a fun time with friends last night, well into the night. I also took some time to upload the pictures from the party on to the computer, which led, naturally, to that dangerous time suck of looking back. We recently got a new iMac, so the big beautiful screen has beckoned a lot this summer, and I have enjoyed taking vivid trips down memory lane, while realizing that my older eyes get a little bit tired of screen light, sometimes. And my older heart misses flipping through photos, in a book, or in a box, while curled up on the couch.

Mark my words that this summer we will rectify some of that.

On further examination, I realized we have been having a party, of some sort, on the night of the Fair Haven fireworks for several years, and I believe next year will be the somewhat, but not quite official, 10th year. Things have changed over the years, things have stayed the same. Along the lines of similarities, I can certainly say that I have panicked annually about whether I remembered to invite people, being that invites need to happen at the end of the school year and that time of year, no matter the year, is a certain level of crazy. Then I have worried about myriad "things;" whether the house was ready, whether the lawn was ready, how the weather would be, how the bugs would be, what food we should have, what drinks we should have, whether we had shirts that had the correct year for photographic integrity, etc. Still, somehow, low and behold, each and every year, regardless of what is running on my worry reel, everything works out just fine. And once the evening is in full swing, I find myself with the same overwhelming feeling of joy, surrounded by love, and feeling like summer has truly begun.

And I find that, even though I rolled my eyes at my daughter sporting her 2012 shirt in 2013, her crafty self had fixed the problem already, with some paper, marker, and tape. Again with the theme that tape can fix anything. Hmmm, universe, are ya sending me a sign?

So, when it comes down to it, today was truly an R&R day; rest and recovery. We even squeezed in dinner on the "bathtub of a boat," and a little swim in the bay. While we were out there, I floated off by myself for a bit, and at that time, in the quiet, calm, post holiday Sunday night water, said my "prayers" for the evening. Don't worry, I haven't gone all "Goddy," on ya, but I have been reading and re-reading a lot of Anne Lamott lately. I feel like, at 42, I have kind of adopted her "Help,Thanks,Wow" mantra as my grown up "Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret." I have been practicing gratitude nightly by thinking back on the day; what I need help with, what I am thankful for, and what made me say, "Wow!" Last night in bed, at 2:30 am actually, it was easy, and today, floating in that bay, it was equally crystal clear.

Help me let go of needless worry.
Thank You for my simple, beautiful life.
And no matter how old I get, fireworks will always make me say WOW!