Summer Mosiac

"Woah, We're Half Way There" - Written 7/27

Mid-Summer it is. And I have to say, it is my notorious happy/sad time. It is the time I realize we are half done with our summer time off, and I have to wallow in that for a few days. Then I realize that half done still means half to go, and I better start to pick myself up, plan some things out, and keep on enjoying myself. This year it is particularly difficult, though, with our trip through Great Britain behind us. It was truly an epic adventure. It was in planning stages for a long time. It was two weeks of wonderful, and new, and wow around each and every corner. And now, it is over, and that is kind of a tough pill to swallow. I have read that planning trips far in advance is a good thing to do, not only economically, but also from a mental health standpoint. Apparently you gain more from the anticipation and build up to a trip than you do from the after effects. I bet that is really true. Most of our big trips the last several years have been over April break. We would spend a lot of time dreaming off and planning ahead in the cold months of February and March. We'd get all excited, have a great trip, then just throw ourselves back into work, still basking in a travel glow, but busy again, getting back to life, and back to reality. A summer trip, at least for teachers, doesn't happen that way, since, once you get home, the back to life back to reality only really consists of doing the laundry and putting away the suitcases. That work thing it isn't there to distract you from the fact that you are missing your adventures. You have plenty of time to chat about all you did, peruse your pictures, look up recipes for things you ate, pin on Pinterest places you went, or trips you envisioned for the future while you were there. You can read book set in towns you visited. You can watch Harry Potter films yelling out "we were there!" to your heart's content. But deep down, your heart never really is content. Sure, if you are a traveler, your heart is happy and full, but it is also sad, and nostalgic for days spent wandering, learning, growing ,jumping on and off trains, and wondering what was around the next turn. Well, our trip was part of our first half of summer this year, and it was wonderful. And I am curious if I will ever be able to process all of it. But that half is done, and it is time to move on. On to summer 2015 part two. On to more adventures. May they never, ever, end.

The End is Near, The End is Here - Written 8/27

I have barely written this summer, and I am not sure what to make of that. Perhaps, just like my previous blog, "Thirtysomething, Farewell..." had a shelf life, this one does as well? I have been on this format for 4 and a half years...writing an average of once or twice a month. That's not too bad, but really, maybe in this blog, I've said what I wanted to say. It truly functions not only as writing that I can share with others, and as a place I can share my thoughts, but also as a quasi-journal for me. And, when I look back, I see patterns of life oh so clearly. I see that I am always crazy at the beginning of the school year, always thankful around November, always reflective at the close of June, sad at the close of August. It is good therapy in that way I suppose, and certainly a helpful road map for the people who have to live with me. But really, 4-5 years of that is, perhaps, enough.

But that begs the question, what next?

Maybe it is just that. After all, "What next?" is a lot of what I am feeling right now, anyways. There are the typical questions rolling in my head, wondering what does the school year hold. But I'd say that this particular year, with Devin being a senior, the what next feeling is particularly pronounced. It is inconceivable to even think of how life will be different at this exact time next year, but in fact, it will be. And while that is super exciting, it is super terrifying as well. So much will happen, I know that for sure. I just hope to be able to stay on top of it all, and at the same time, take it all in. I hope I am able to be in the moments, as they come. I hope to be sad less, and to enjoy it all more. All remains to be seen, and with all of that change going on, I am sure my writing practice will stay pretty much the same. And that is probably good. Like every parent of a high school senior, we are surely in for a rollercoaster of a wild ride this year. You enjoy a roller coaster because of its ups and downs. And while you survive a roller coaster by holding on, I think that you enjoy a coaster a little more when you let go. When you loosen your grip on the safety bar, and MAYBE even throw your hands up in the air, the ride takes you where it wants you to go, and physics helps you move with the machine. There are times I will need to HOLD ON this year, there will be times for me to LET GO, and if this, perhaps finite, writing place can help me through that, more power to it. Onward. Upward. And for right now at least, holding on.