Sometimes God, or Allah, or Buddah, or whomever, the universe if you will, sends you a sign.

It has been a somewhat long school year for me in some ways. I guess any thing, though, that you are a part of for coming on 20 years does warrent examination. So hard school year? Perhaps not. Reflective school year? Absolutely.

Anyways, back to that sign.

Last week, a former student contacted me asking if I wanted to get together for coffee. With the heat, I suggested a drink instead, and that is just what we did a couple of days ago. Drinks on the deck at Pleasant Beach. It had been a long day at work, with students for a half day, and wellness activities involving sweat like you wouldn't believe the rest. Then we had meetings and worked on report cards in a convection oven like setting. Still, or especially after all that, a beer on the deck and the cares of the day drifted away. The hazy, hot and humid was merely the back drop of reconnecting, reminicing,and reflecting...those illusive but ever so important three R's. It was so good to see my former student, and realize I had meant something to her. And it was even more wonderful to see and hear about the highly successful young woman she has become. I was so proud of her and all of her accomplishments.

Sometimes I miss those good old days of teaching. I miss the days I had more time to connect with kids. It was the days before I had my own children, so, lets face it, I had more time overall, but also, things were looser. Demands were lesser. State standards hadn't even been spoken of. Even curriculums were simply white bound booklets from the state, very vague, and not very helpful, but in retrospect, sort of freeing. There was some feeling of "anything goes," there was the abliity to teach about what mattered to you, there was the time to really delve into the teachable moment. Did anything go? No. This is teaching we are talking about, done by teachers, and we are a highly responsible lot. We do what we should do. We are highly accountable individuals, for the most part. And I think, back in those days when I had less structure given to me, I, in some ways, had more structure to my teaching. I owned it. I did what I knew was right when I knew it was right. I listened to kids and metered my teaching to them.

Well, today, school ended. I finished my 19th year as a teacher. Things have changed, a lot. Some for the good, some for the bad, but one thing is sure. And I learned, or was reminded of this, when meeting up with my former student the other night. Regardless of it all, we are growing humans. There may be demands put upon us, by new evaluations, student learning objectives, and assessments that feel sometimes like they will do us in. But we need to keep in mind that it is the connections we make, as people, that probably matter the most. If we can spark a love of learning and send children out into the world with a drive to do their best, sometimes, they come back to us, and, if we take the time, we might notice that this is a sign...and we know, once and for all, that what we do is the right thing and what we do, each and every day, matters.

Really, it is hard to believe that 20 years ago today I started to wear the ring that is pictured above. I told the story of how the ring came to be on my finger before, but how it stays? That, I am finding these days, is the real story.

After 20 years I have been debating whether I might like to upgrade my ring...trade it in for something new...styles and tastes change after all. But for some reason, every time I think of it I just get a funny feeling, like it just wouldn't be right. And today, at this 20 year mark, I know that is for sure. I can feel it in my bones as deeply and certainly as I felt Tim would be my husband, forever, just weeks into the time we were dating. It just was right. It just was true.

This ring just is my ring.

Rings are just jewelry, I know, but THIS ring has been with me, with us, for it all. The planning, the wedding day, the honeymoon, but more importantly, it has been there for the marriage, for our LIFE.

Rings are just jewelry, as weddings are just days. But Marriages are a life, and I have been blessed with an uncommon one. We are truly lovers, and partners, but most of all, friends.

And I'd do it all again

The things we do.

Made a delicious, if simple, dinner tonight, with some yummy, if cheap wine. It was so uplifting. Just brought me to that completely centered place, loving my husband, family, self, and life.

Said husband, to bring himself up and recharge, has gone for a bike ride.

Why is it I can't find zen in exercise? Over the years I have enjoyed exercise, at times. There was Swim Team in Highschool. And Yoga. I do love yoga, and even more so yoga wear. Walking is OK, especially with the addition of an iPod, and without the tugging black lab. But exercise is never what I choose to clear my head. Never. I wish I could make that connection. Maybe it takes a more focused approach. Maybe one of my summer projects, along with my extensive reading list, all the things I want to do, and the places I want to visit, not to mention the objective of twice a week on the boat minumum, should be to incorporate meaningful exercise into my life. Maybe if I do that it will become a part of me, something I want and desire, something I choose to do, on a regular basis, to center my mind and my body as well.

Or maybe I will just have a little dark chocolate along with the last of my wine.

Positivity...

I just was driving down the road and that word, if it is even a word, popped into my head. In light of all that has been going on lately, I began to reflect on how that word IS me. I am a positive person. I mean, yes, I complain about life in general, about my job, and I have my down times, but really, no matter what life throws at me, I see the good side, or at least the OK side, or at least the "we can handle it" side, and we always do, and that, in a nutshell, is me.

Who knew.

You get a these moments of clarity here and there. As Alanis sang to us, you live, you learn.

What prompted this reflection? Well, along with the thrill of Devin's knee injury, and navigating that as of late, today Tim woke me up with "Honey, you'll need to shower downstairs. The upstairs shower is cracked." He was trying to say this in the nicest way possible, gently stroking my arm, knowing I am NOT a morning girl and was likely to blow, like he already was, inside. But I woke up, digested the news, groggily, and responded with "Well, it has been on its last legs since we moved in, guess it finally decided it was done." Seeing my calm, Tim realized that he could safely complain and lament the "not fair" nature of the whole thing, the "it's always something" story, the "if only it could have held off for a month until school is out and we have some money" irony. One is calm, one is not, yin and yang. It is why and how we work.

Still, it comes down to the fact that the shower was a piece of crap anyways. Time to fix it. Time to move on.

In life, it really is always something. It feels like we've had our share of somethings lately. They could move on to someone, somewhere else, and I'd be just fine with that. But if they don't, I still choose positivity. Look at the problem, and see it with new eyes. See the silver lining, as the cliche urges. Be in the now, and make the situation work. I have always tried to be like this, like Oprah always said, you have to have gratitude, keep the journal. I even downloaded an app for that now that I have a smartphone. Still, each and every time I try that, I fail. I forget to record, daily, all that I have that is good. I forget to put on paper the things that are going well for me, and to give thanks. But still, each and every day, no matter what faces me, I am a person who has positivity. I do see beauty, and happiness, all around me. I feel love beyond love from my family, every day...every moment. I don't always write it down, but boy do I know it is there. I revel in the beauty of our lake, each and every time I drive by it, or get out of my car and see the blue water, even if it is over a marina. I cherish my cozy little house, even as it falls apart around me, as it is home. I hear good music and I smile. I hear laughter and I laugh along.

I hit a rough patch, and instead of crying, I ponder.
I brainstorm. I dream and strategize.
I do see the good. I guess I am a positive person.

Positivity..don't care if it is word or not...it popped into my head this morning on the boring, yet full of beauty 8 minute drive up to school for a reason. And even for that word, I am thankful. Now, off to work, and to tackle the next thing life is going to throw my way.

Bring it!