"Summer Half Drunk"

Cheap, I know, a catchy title, meant to peak your interest. And don't worry, I have not spent my summer half drunk. Wholly drunk a time or two, happily buzzed frequently, but half drunk seems a waste to me. Go big or go home!

Just kidding.

There is a half drunk phenomenon happening this summer at my house, though. The phenomenon of half drunk beverages ALL OVER my HOUSE! Tim and I have always prescribed to the saying (our own...) "There's always a glass in the living room." It applies to that moment, when you have just finished cleaning up the kitchen and happily head to the living room to sit down and relax. It is that moment that either the phone rings, or you find that one lingering glass, or plate or bowl that has eluded you on its way to the dishwasher. Well, when we are all hanging at home in the summer there is pretty much ALWAYS a glass in the living room, and, this summer it seems, the glasses, or bottles, or cans, are constantly half drunk.

Sprite in particular.
Does anyone REALLY like Sprite, or is it just one of those beverages you have at parties for that..."Eh, I'll have a Sprite," person?
In my opinion, it isn't really that good of a mixer, even.

Each year, for our Fourth of July party, we buy a few twelve packs of soda, figuring that then lots will be available, depending on who shows up, and then whatever is leftover can just start out our summer time at home. Each year we buy some Sprite. Each year, by the midpoint of summer, the beverages we bought in overload are gone, but each year, Sprite remains.

Two nights ago, Gwynn's friend Emma stayed over night. Cleaning up the next day, I found her half drunk can of Sprite in the kitchen. It's not just our kids, it's not just our family.
Seriously, does anyone, REALLY like Sprite?

Next year, 7Up.

Phew! It has been as hot as an oven here, literally, for the last two days. And even the next two will prove to be warm. I am finding myself sweating in some odd places, and cursing my aversion to an air conditioner, but I am feeling a certain peace too. Summer is fully HERE, mentally, and the heat kind of confirms it, physically, making my mind so zen I can hardly stand it.

Even though I face the same thing each year, it always is frustrating to me how long it takes to let work go, and fully feel the summer vacation vibe. I wonder, sometimes, if people who work in the "real world" have the same problem, or if they fall into their shorter times off more flawlessly, knowing they need to make the most of it because it won't last. My inner planner kind of panics at 10 weeks off, and, to that end, it takes some time to relax into summer. We spend the first week making the house/porch/yard "summer ready," fueled in part by our annual 4th of July get together, but I think, even if we didn't host fireworks, we'd do the same. Then, it is usually a week at the beach, and that is where it all comes together. Finally, we return home, the house is ready for relaxin', my mind has floated off to sea, and my summer truly begins.

The last couple of days, while crazy hot, have also been wonderful. Yesterday, Tim had to work, but the kids and I just lazed around the house. I read the second half of my beach book in its entirety. I also did all the trip laundry, and went through the scads of mail and bills, but really, it was just a day down. Today, Tim got some house work done, Gwynn had a friend over, and I got out for a replenishing grocery stop, but along with those things came diving into yet another book for me, and a fishing trip with a friend for Devin and Tim.

Sitting, and sweating, on the porch right now, sipping some wine, and eating some spinach salad, I felt such a full sense of calm, mixed with such a feeling of promise. Yes, as always, it took a while, but now, summer stretches ahead of me. The ingredients are set...family, friends, food, wine, trips, books, swimming, boating. Some mixing and stirring has happened, and I guess all it needed was some time in the oven to come out delicious!

Funny...wrote this on Tuesday night, but am feeling oh so much more in my summer zen now. Was so out of sorts the last couple of days I couldn't even finish a blog entry! Funny! Oh well, so be the cycles of life. Putting it out there anyways.

Several thoughts are rolling around in my head tonight....summer is so odd that way...summer randomness. I suddenly have time upon time upon time upon time, but with that comes a breakdown of structure, and I find myself feeling lost, like I can't use my time well; like I have a million things I want to do but none really fit the moment.

I am full of contradiction too.

And most of all, none of this is really anything to whine about, I know that, but still, it's the honest truth.

Usually, this week, we are in Ocean City, but this year we put the trip off for a week due to a family wedding. We had our usual 4th of July party, and didn't have to clean up, exhausted, AND pack the next day...which was HEAVEN...but now, I am feeling like I'd kinda like to be at the beach.

Vacation started with a little US time, with the kids down at grandma and grandpa's. Then, they came home last Sunday, and last week was kind of a little "love affair with my family" week, full, in particular, of mother daughter bonding. We fixed up Gwynn's room, shopped, got sucked into old episodes of "Fame," and danced to a new teeny bopper CD she was loving. Still, now, I am feeling kinda over the family love, craving some time alone, and time alone with Tim.

I want to get new cell phones, but can't decide which.
I want to buy an laptop, or maybe an iPad.
I want to rip out/re-do the patio, but not right now, as we're headed away for a week.

Sigh. See. Contradictions. They'll work themselves out, they always do, but early summer ambivalence is here, full force.

My summer writing mojo is coming back. I just feel it. But I should not be surprised.

It is funny, but, tracking my life with daily projects the last couple of years has certainly made some patterns quite, almost glaringly, obvious. In photographing the Sole Sisters Summer, and writing the "Thirty-something, Farewell" blog, I know that I love Fridays, I hate June, and that the time when school is just out, and summer is completely before me, is both wonderful, relaxing, and also, severely lacking in creativity. I find it so interesting that in the school year, when life is SO full and busy, I find more time to write than when I have time coming out my ears. It is similar to when I was in High school, I suppose, and my best report cards were during swim and musical seasons. With more crunch, I produced.

We grow, we change, but do we, really?

Today, Tim had to work. I didn't have my laziness partner in crime around, so, quite frankly, more got accomplished here at home, and in a more timely manner. Low and behold, with more constraints on my time, it seems that here I am, feeling the need and desire to write.

Being that it is summer, though, I also had ample time to sit around and watch a couple of DVR'd episodes of the first season of "Fame" with Gwynn. I read about half of the book Little Women, a book that is always on my "I can't believe I haven't read that and should read it this summer!" list. I did some errands with the kids in Oswego, flipped and ripped some magazines, painted my toenails silver (jury is still out that...they're kind of odd...) and even got these cool lamps that my brother and Priscilla brought home from Mexico for the kids, rigged up to hang in their rooms. Progress.

It does seem that summer is in full swing. And, as my former projects would suggest, we are headed towards the typical, predictable and welcomed 4th of July merriment. Then it will be on to the beach soon after that. I wonder each and every year how the summer will unfold...and though I have no day by day project to guide me through this year, the beginning is turning out pretty OK, and as for the rest, we'll have to just wait, and see.

Thank goodness summer is coming. I have lapsed in my writing a bit, putting it to the back burner during this stressful month of June. Still, today I had several reminders of how wonderful writing is, and how much I am itching to get back to it, in more plentiful and meaningful time frames. Summertime affords me that luxury.

I am moving my classroom, yet again this year. It is like those Dos Equis advertisements, "Stay thirsty my friends," but in my case it is "Stay packed up my friends!" I did leave many things boxed up from my move last year from third grade to fourth, figuring I'd be shuffled around once again this year. Low and behold, I ended up being left in my fourth grade level this time, but still, I am moving rooms. Figures. Part of me just wants to ship the already packed boxes on down to the new room, but then another part, today, started to go through and hoe through once again, thinning out books. That is when it occured to me how very many childrens' books there are out there. You could go either way with this thought. I mean you could say there are so many out there who needs one more, and in my moving frenzy I might agree with you. But instead I am going to say, heck, what is one more! There has to be room at the table for me.

Then, I came home, and realized both my kids had brought home their writing folders/notebooks. Gwynn, my soul mate of writing, brought home the most beautiful folder, filled to the brim with beautifully written pieces, and readily handed it to me wanting me to read it all RIGHT that very moment! Devin, on the other hand, absentmindedly left his 7th grade writing prompt journal on top of the dog kennel, in the laundry room, where I, furtively, read it. It was such a peek inside his 13 year old mind. He is such a centered kid, with such great ideas, and, even though we annoy him at times, he is so bonded to us, regularly writing about how much he values his family, and in particular Tim for the time he spends with him. (I figure in, most often, as the person who cooks him good food!) I was struck by his insight and, once again, was floored by the power of the written word.

I am thankful, tonight, for this, and thankful for the summertime of writing that is ahead of me.

How much do I love the Tony Awards?

I stayed up too late for a tired Sunday last night watching most of the broadcast. Then I finished today, watching on DVR with Gwynn. I am feeling, right now, like I want to hop on a bus to NYC and just hang out for the next week or so seeing plays and musicals to my heart's content.

Alas, that damn job, and a subsequent need for money foil me yet again. But HA! 'Tis not for long! Summer vacation is so close I can practically taste it!

It's funny, though, as I was doing a lot of thinking about performing this weekend. Some people are natural performers. I see myself as one, but do I go out on a stage and dance and sing? No I don't do that anymore. I loved it in the past, and I claim to miss it as well, every time the kids do a show or a band performance, but really, deep down, I am sweating bullets every time they are on stage. I get so nervous just watching them perform, I can't imagine how I would handle it myself anymore! It is funny how you do that as a mother, swell with pride at the same time as you sit on the edge of your seat.

Still, everyday, I get up and do numerous shows to an occasionally hostile audience of 4th graders! I know I still have it in me. I guess it is all just a matter of how we all use our inner performer. Some of us are on Broadway stages, some in boardrooms, some in courtrooms, some in classrooms.

I have a necklace that says "We all shine differently," and I suppose that proves its truth.

"Me at the End of the Year"

Failed myself and didn't write at all last week...sigh...but I have to say, I am feeling completely uninspired.

The end of the school year drain is upon me.

I am in the midst of 3 weeks of babysitting, also known as the end of school, and it is sucky, as usual. I am a little sad to see my class go this year, to tell the truth, but also annoyed that my daily work is not what it usually is. Maybe there are teachers who love the end of year parties, and activities, and talent shows, and merriment, but I don't know many. Routine and regularity is on its ear for the next three weeks, and most teachers I know like routine and regularity...it is just in the professional blood. I am happy to see kids having fun and all, but I am more into seeing them learning. If I had wanted to be a party planner...

I took some time to look back at my "Thirtysomething, Farewell" blog tonight, to see where my head was last June. Well, the first week it was grumpy, the next week/week and a half it was grumpier, and by the end it was in "just getting through" mode! Hence the image choice tonight, John Mayer, fully clothed, in a tub, with some wine. If you find me in the same sort of hot mess at some point, in June, just walk away, slowly, and leave me alone.

It is all part of the plan.